seeds

Oh, man.  Is it Saturday yet?

This week has been a bit odd in that I had to go in for my permanent filling earlier.  Things went well.  All signs point to our just catching it before the nerve got seriously involved.  But I’m still having some achy stuff and sensitivity–nothing huge–but enough to be annoying.  My dentist has said this should go away eventually, or it may be the wisdom tooth complaining finally…which I wouldn’t doubt.  I any event, I should feel better in a couple months (hopefully).  I’m still sleeping with a heating pad and taking too much ibuprofen (I know).  I took yesterday off because–between that, the ongoing sinus infection, and allergies–I just couldn’t people.  And my entire job is to people–so.  Normally, I would at least try to power through, but my work right now isn’t something I really feel like powering through for…so there’s that.

Anyway, I’m glad I felt like crap and took yesterday off.  I must’ve really needed rest because I slept for most of the day.  It was good to have a break mentally from all the shit at work and everything else–to tune out from politics for just a day.  But–of course–that messed up my sleep routine (not that I actually have one), so I didn’t sleep last night at all and decided to get up to write this.  Also–can I just say–I never ever ever need to know about any of my exes and what they are doing or not doing.  Thanks, well-intentioned, but so wrong friends who decided I needed to know something that is now really bothering me.  If I want to know–I’ll ask them directly, thanks.  Or they’ll tell me directly.  No need for the weird ass emails.

The bothersome thing wasn’t what is happening with said person. It was how it made me feel.  Absolutely nothing.  But then, I knew I felt absolutely nothing for this person for a while–so there’s that.  It’s just one of those things I wish I didn’t know because it has me doing math.  And y’all know I hate math.

But it doesn’t really change anything.  Even if the math says something.  I knew he was an asshole.  That’s why I broke up with him.

###

So, I binged the entire season 2 of Love on Netflix over the last two nights.  I love this show.  I have some issues with Apatow, usually, but this show is basically perfect.

*****SPOILERS.  STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW*****

So, last season, we left off with Mickey and Gus in that old, familiar parking lot.  And that’s where season 2 started.  Despite Mickey’s bullshit and sabotaging, the pair get together in a big way…navigating her journey with addiction with alcohol and love.  I’ve always had a soft spot for Mickey because, in many ways, she’s me.  I’m not an alcoholic, but I do struggle with the whole love addiction/avoidance dance–not the sex addiction, thank God–but I understand her struggle in a lot of ways.  But I most identify with Gus–this well-meaning, self-effacing, kind nerd who just wants a chance.

Anyway, some of the scenes were pretty hot, and I just adored the episodes where they are just spending the day together.  Strangely, while this show is only a 1/2 hour an episode, they cover so much ground in that short time.  This season was so satisfying when it was just following them around–showing them fall for one another.  I won’t lie–made me nostalgic for that new love feeling.

If only it were that simple.  Mickey is an addict, and she is effed up.  She has real problems, and being in love with Gus doesn’t make those go away.  We see how they start haunting her–but we also see how Gus is her partner in crime–codependent and needing help himself.

Life happens and they start drifting–which is totally sad to see and a little frustrating for hopeless romantics like me.  I wanted to shake Mickey a few times.  In the end, she betrays Gus in a pretty big way–which is really just her pattern…and she’s in the clear because they haven’t committed–but she clearly has violated that intimacy.  And the fact that he doesn’t know, but has little seeds to suspect?  Welp.  It was hard to watch and made me hate Mickey.  A lot.

There’s a whole lot more there, but I will let y’all watch that yourself.

This season was super hard to watch for me because it reminded me very much of my own broken relationships–which all ended with some disclosure of infidelity or less than honest behavior.  Despite my own struggles with love addiction and love avoidance, in my case, I was in the Gus role…so that brought up some emotions–mostly anger…even though I understood her motivations and where they came from.

Now, instead of rooting for them, I really want him to run away from her–to find out–but I suspect this is going to be a really brutal resolution when it finally comes out.

If you’re not watching this show–you really should.  And hey, check out Master of None when it reappears too.

Anyway, a sorta contemplative/sad start to this Thursday.  Hoping it gets better.

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