lost saturday

You know you’ve had a rough week when you discover–during a bout of mad insomnia–that today actually isn’t April 1st. And that you’ve thought today was April 1st for most of the damn week.

Um, yea.

Had it been April 1st, I would be getting ready to take Fogg in for her fructosamine test right about now.  But I’m really glad that didn’t happen because I didn’t sleep last night.

Now, this is not a new thing for me lately.  Sleep has not been attainable with any sort of regularity for quite a while.  But at least I was getting a couple hours.  Last night?  Um, nope.

Usually, I’m just wake because my brain never shuts off.  And I’m in a constant state of exhaustion, so I run on adrenaline.  I haven’t really been doing anything for the adrenal fatigue I was diagnosed with years ago, mostly because the herbs my old doctor recommended actually make me MORE wired and less able to sleep.  It’s a vicious cycle.

People say–oh, just go to bed.  Oh, do these rituals.  It just doesn’t work, and laying in bed for hours is not something I have patience for–so I usually just get up and do stuff.

The problem is stress and the thyroid crap and messed up sleep cycles and how much I require to sleep and stay asleep.  See…I can’t be cold at all, but I can’t be hot.  And the thyroid crap makes me really sensitive to temperature and also more likely to always be cold.  And then effing hot.  But not in the same places.  And I can’t have any light in the room.  It’s the worst.  Where I live now?  There are street lights right outside my bedroom that light it up all night long, and I cannot hang blackout curtains.  So, the vertical blinds are it, and that’s an epic fail.  I use an eye shield, but that falls off or makes me hot.

There are lots of other things, too.

But last night?  It was the most godawful achy pain ever.  My broken toe hurt.  My carpal tunnel hurt.  My legs hurt.  My knee’s been bothering me since the toe.  My shoulder.  And my sinuses kept clogging up.  Oddly, my tooth was totally fine.  And has been fine since I started doing my own lymphatic drainage massage.  So, I did that.  And that helped the head clog.  But the damn achy owws.  Was I getting the flu?  It was bad.

So, I started Googling possible causes of this shit.  And then I googled side effects of a new enzyme I’ve been using for an unrelated matter.  I’m pretty sure this enzyme–which hasn’t worked for the problem I’m using it for (but it’s only day 2 at half recommended dosage)–is the culprit.  A lot of people mentioned severe aches and pains.  And some people said, “Well, that means it’s working.  It’s a healing crisis.”  OH GOD.  Not another one of those!  I really can’t take hives again.

But this appears to be similar to the type of healing crisis that happens when you take antibiotics or cut out sugar.  Basically, this enzyme breaks shit down that your body is holding onto.  In my case, it’s a clogged thing that isn’t really bothering me–but could if it got bigger–and it was getting bigger.  The fix for Western doctors is cutting it out completely (because that’s always their fix) or opening it (but it’ll recur in a year, probably), or putting a catheter in it to create a new opening that won’t clog.  But all of that is pretty damn expensive and painful.  And lots of people report this worked within 2 weeks, so why not?  It’s also really great for sinus infections (which I have), heart issues, and etc.  You just have to get through the healing crisis.  I knew something was up yesterday because my occipital lymph node doubled in size–which happened during the hive attack 2016.  It feels normal this morning.  So, clearly, things are moving.  But–man–my legs are killing me.  Even after a really hot bath and covering myself in essential oils.

I’m pretty wiped.  So, my Saturday plans are probably scrapped.  I was going to do the vet thing, but I’ve been living in the future too much this week, so nope.  I was going to cook a lot and do groceries.  Well, I ordered them and then rescheduled to tomorrow because I just don’t feel like cooking.  And my stupid toe hurts when I stand.  And yesterday was like the worst of worst days–so I do kinda deserve some cuddle time with my best kitty and Netflixing.

I had earmarked tomorrow as a big self-care planning day, but some days, you just need to be quiet.

I’m contemplating getting a Chicago style pizza for lunch. Or maybe some sandwiches to last for dinner, too.  Mostly, I have a date with Monkey and his fuzz.

Happy day, y’all.



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