my first mouse

As posted to my FB, five minutes ago.

—-

i’ve spent most of the day locked in my bedroom with fogg and a litterbox full of hydrophobic sand. it took two attempts, but i finally got enough of a sample from little woman to fill the vial. (still no luck with the rest, so i’m calling it done. they can just get her when we go in next time).

i go to wash out the syringe in the bathroom. and noticed a gray thing MOVING in the bathroom. like the woman i am, i scream like i’m being murdered and run out of the bathroom. i’m shaking. i text men, asking telling them i have a suspected (not confirmed) mouse in my bathtub. what do i do, manly men?! one gives no answer. the other says to get the cat. i can’t bear the idea of the poor little mouse dying a horrible death, and i don’t want to see mouse guts on my carpet.

so i grab the dust mop. i have no idea what i’m going to do with the mop. or how the sucker got in my bathtub. i decide i’ll just shoo him down the drain. i figure he came in that way since he can’t seem to get out of the tub and his visit seems recent/new. he runs. i scream. he gets to the drain and can’t go down. i scream. he jumps. i scream. we do this for a good 5 minutes before i retreat to the living room, sweating and shaking uncontrollably. rilly is chasing a fly. fogg is licking the wall. mumfy wants dinner.

i decide the only way to get rid of my mousey friend is to trap him somehow and put him outside. i contemplate shooting him into a box, but think he can chew through cardboard. i decide to use a watermelon container that doesn’t have a lid (why no lid?!). so i grab a heavy piece of mail, my mop, and my plastic. i pin little bud gently with the mop (GAH), scream, and then push him into the container. he can get up the sides b/c slippery. i use the mail as a top and put my hand over it, running barefoot to the elevator then to the garage where i release my mousey friend to cheesman. he is terrified. i tell him to be free and never come back again. i return to the elevator, shaking, sweating, and barefoot. friendly puppy dog gives me kisses and all is right with the world.

now–to bleach the hell out of that bathtub.

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