blog challenge: never forget

Alright, I’m back to tackling that blog challenge I mentioned a few days ago since–good news–Fogg is doing a lot better today.  Not out of the woods yet, but eating again and back to her cranky, loving self.

So, this blog entry is supposed to center around something someone told you about yourself that has always stuck with you.

I’ve actually heard it from a few people, in various ways, and it came up the other day with the love interest.

I was not having a great day, and he basically told me that one of the reasons he liked me was because–despite the considerable shit I’ve been through–at my core is a happy person.  I fight for my happiness.  I don’t just accept that life has to be hard.

It was actually sort of touching.  I’ve heard it from a few people who knew me well at the time, and over the years, you wonder if you’ve become jaded or hardened by life.  But it sort of confirmed something about myself that I’ve known for years–that I’m resilient and a diehard optimist.  I have my moments, mind you, when I can be the most negative person ever.  These moments really take a lot out of me and actually freak people out.  I need those moments, sometimes, though.  You can’t be brave and strong and whatever 24/7.  Sometimes, you have to wallow in that shitty feeling thing.  But I usually bounce back.  It may take me a long time to progress in directions I want, but I’m always on a mission.

Part of me hates this part of me, though.  The world labels us optimists as Pollyannas.  It’s a big part of being an INFP, and it can make us be discounted as naive or whatever.  It also seems to fuel some of the emo stuff we’re also known for.  I always see the best in people–what they’re capable of.  I see the opportunities in situations where others see nothing.  And it can be hard being surrounded by people who just don’t get that it’s even there.  I also tend to be disappointed by people when they aren’t capable of living out their potential.

I’ve really had to manage this part of my personality or else it can make it hard for me to trust people.  It also can make me isolate myself.  It’s hard to constantly believe in people who don’t believe in themselves–or me.

But it’s really touching to me when people see me for who I am.  I am a happy person.  Not a content person.  And my happy maybe isn’t other people’s happy.  But it means a lot to me to know people see it in me.  That the thing I fought so hard to keep was something that is apparently a notable trait.  I wish I could help people find it in themselves, too.

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