long time, no see

Hi, there.

I took a bit of an unannounced, spur-of-the-moment break from blogging…mostly, to get my shit together.  I wanted to spend some good quality time with myself, to get right with my head and really figure out what I want out of the next year of my life.  I think that was smart because I learned a lot about myself while planning.  The biggest one being that I don’t have to plan everything right now.  I just have to have some directions set for myself, and my life can decide what’s most important.  I figure it’s better to set an intention and then follow what makes you passionate rather than relying on shoulds to motivate you.  That’s a losing battle, usually, for me.

So, I set about deciding a few things.  What are my basic daily needs?  What are my needs that aren’t so basic?  What do I need regularly to be happy?  Sometimes, just writing it down–being aware of it–helps you bring those things into your life.  I also set up a schedule for myself.  Giving myself more structured time “zones” to play with during my day, to assist me with being more productive and focusing my energies.  Instead of being super Type A weirdo that I normally am, I left the schedule empty.  I, instead, wrote down a list of items–made them into a checklist–of things I had to do every single day to survive.  In the past, despite needing to do these things, I simply didn’t.  Because I’ve always struggled to take care of myself.  I used to make excuses for that.  I forgot.  I didn’t have time.  I had better things to do.  At the beginning of every prescribed time slot, I am forced to make a choice.  Since my checklist is right there, and I like to check things off lists, this supports me in making the right choices.  I also have two other lists: thrive and rockstar.  Each one changes every day and includes things that–if I did them, it’d really benefit my life (thrive) or things that I’ve wanted to do for a long time that are on my Mighty List (rockstar).  When I’m making my choices, as long as I’ve completed all the survive items I can at that moment, I can choose those things.  So, there’s no more excuses.  If I don’t do it, it’s because I’ve made a choice not to (which I really already was doing).  There’s no hiding from it.  I’m accountable.

For the first two weeks (or until Sunday), I’ve been taking baby steps.  I’ve struggled with taking care of myself all of my life, so just deciding to change is only part of the hurdle.  I need to make habits and routines for myself–without a lot of distraction.  I knew daily exercise would be the hardest of all, so I decided to ease into that–give myself two weeks to deal with eating regularly and etc and then hard core focusing on making an active lifestyle second-nature.  I start that next week, and I’m excited because I’ve made big gains in the last several days.  I feel different–like, this time, I’m unstoppable.  I take all my vitamins and medicines.  I eat all my meals and even a snack.  I’m staying hydrated.  Silly things like that are big accomplishments for me.  Remembering myself first in the morning is amazing.

I’m not perfect, and this will probably take me a while to master.  But I’ve built up tools to help me that are actually working.  I can feel the difference–which helps on those bad days when I feel like absolute shit.  My body is continuing to be a little bitch.  It’s extremely frustrating, but the changes I’m making ARE helping and help me get through the days when I’m so beyond done with dealing with it all.  This is really the first time in my life where I’ve valued myself–my own well-being–above everyone else’s.  It’s hard–but getting easier.  I’m proud of myself.

I also came up with 6 big goals for myself this year.  It probably isn’t surprising, but my #1 goal and the one I’m working on most right now, is to be a healthy person–on all levels: mental, spiritual, physical, & emotional.  I haven’t mapped out specific goals for the year yet because I want to see where I am after this first two weeks–to really understand where I can push–but I’m excited about it.  (By the way, I know I’m not going to be perfectly healthy after one year, but my goal is to be better in all four of these areas than I have ever been and to build routines that support that for years to come).

Other goals for this year: find inspiration & inspire others; commit to my current profession while building my new path; connect with people who raise the bar; let go of anything I do not need or love; and save for a rainy day.  I really see all of these things as intimately interconnected, so it’s interesting to see that trend in my attractions.

Anyway, just wanted to check in.  Life is good and getting better.  I have a feeling I’m in for a lot of adventures this year.

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