It hasn’t been the best day.
Lost: 2 friendships; respect for boatloads of people; interest in continuing engaging a community that endorses people’s worst behavior.
I would say I’m heartbroken. I think I’m more angry. Yep. That’s more of what’s true. But we all know heartbreak is rage’s best friend. And, man, I’m pretty pissed.
So what do you do with that?
When I’m mad, I yell. And eventually, I huff off and slam doors. I suppose I did all of the above today. It needed to be done. And it’s always an interesting exercise. You learn about yourself and the people who call themselves friends.
But I’m still mad.
What I’ve noticed, lately? The people who have known me all along? Those are the people who stand there with me when the wind’s blowing really hard. They know my heart. They know I will always try to understand, and they try to understand me. They come and go sometimes–but I always know they have my back.
I need to remember that when I feel compelled to “expand my circle.” Sometimes, the circle isn’t broken. Sometimes, the wheel doesn’t need to be reinvented. Sometimes, it’s better to be limited in your attention. I’m going to be doing that a lot more in the weeks to come.
I’m grateful for that…for that bit of home I can’t really find anywhere except Westwood. And I’m glad I’m from a place where people are real and still believe you should fight for what you believe in–instead of playing nice and keeping up appearances. They may not be perfect, but at least I know who they are.
And it reminds me I’m still the little girl on an epic crusade–complete with cape and megaphone. And I’m just foolish enough not to be another complacent adult who helps make this world a lot shittier than it needs to be.