I had a moment earlier where I just felt really proud of myself and very good about the changes I’ve been making to my life. 2013 started out rather annoying, in kind of a bland/beside the point way. And then, I just kind of got fed up and decided that I wasn’t going to tolerate certain things anymore. And then I got busy. I’m feeling excited and optimistic. I feel my energy and enthusiasm returning. It’s nice.
I know that a lot of the reason I’m feeling stronger is because I’m changing. So, in that vein, I’m going to try–every day–to work a little on myself. I’ve been a big fan of Rhonda Britten for a while now, and I’ve decided to tackle some of the exercises from her book (Fearless Living) every day. I’ve done this a little in the past, on my other blog, and found it pretty helpful. Feel free to do these yourself and–if you’re feeling brave–leave them in the comment section. 🙂 My answers are italicized.
Exercise 1: Core fear trigger. Study the following list:
6 a loser
7 a fake
Pick one word that gives you the most intense reaction when you put it in the following sentence:
If someone I love, respect, or admire thought I were ____, I would be devastated.
pick 5, then 3, then 1
stupid, lazy, selfish, a loser, a fake
stupid, lazy, selfish
Core Negative Feelings. Study this list:
If the people I care about really thought I was previous trigger____, I would feel as though I were _____.
If the people I care about really thought I was stupid, I would feel as though I were insignificant.
Go down the following list and put a check mark next to everything you do to avoid your trigger. Go down again and place an X next to anything you do to stop the emotional pain when your core feeling kicks in.
being a people pleaser x
negative attitude x
sleeping too much
apologizing for everything x
moving to get away from problems
taking everything personally x
being manipulative x
staying online until 3 am
surfing channels on the tv until all hours
bulimia or anorexia
kicking the cat/dog
making jokes about yourself x
shutting down x
emotional drama junkie
drinking too much
arguing with anyone about anything
lying and pretending
putting other people down
suicidal thoughts or attempts
physical abuse to yourself
comparing self to others x
high blood pressure
verbal abuse to yourself or others
making a preemptive strike on others
making excuses or complaining x
intentional sleep deprivation
Now, fill in the following:
1. When I want to avoid the thought that I am ____ (trigger), I do the following (check marked items only):
being a people pleaser
apologizing for everything
taking everything personally
making jokes about yourself
comparing self to others
making excuses or complaining
2. When I want to get rid of my core negative feeling that I am ____, I do the following: items with X only
being a people pleaser
apologizing for eerything
taking everything personally
Your Wheel of Fear:
When I want to avoid having people think I’m ___ (trigger), I react by ____ (checked responses). When that doesn’t work and I end up feeling ____ (core neg feeling), then I ____ (X responses).
When I want to avoid having people think I’m stupid, I react by being a people pleaser, blaming, having a negative attitude, procrastinating, apologizing for everything, taking everything personally, being manipulative, making jokes about myself, being a workaholic, shutting down, whining, comparing myself to others, and making excuses/complaining. When that doesn’t work and I end up feeling insignificant, I am a people pleaser, apologize for everything, take everything personally, give up, become a workaholic, shut down, self-pity, and become a perfectionist.
-Define the words you chose for your trigger thought and your core feeling.
stupid: dull, wrong, inherently less than, dumb, untalented, average, apathetic, unworthy, different
insignificant: invisible, unworthy, uninteresting, inconsequential, worthless, alone, doesn’t matter, doesn’t fit in, ignored, burdensome, a waste of time/space
-Keep track of the symptoms you experience on a daily basis.
-Write down your wheel of fear and put it somewhere you see every day.
-If I mastered my Wheel of Fear, the following would be possible for me regarding
MY CAREER–closer relationships with my peers, more self-confidence, more openness to learning, ability to learn more from tough lessons, more honest feedback, ability to be a person who needs balance and gets her needs met
MY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS–greater vulnerability, less conflict, less neediness
MY FINANCES–less shame, less stress
MY HEALTH/WELL-BEING–increased health, less shame, less guilt, a better sense of balance
MY SOCIAL LIFE/FRIENDS–more vulnerability, more support, less sniping, people would know me
MY FAMILY–an opportunity to heal
MY SPIRITUALITY–more ability to engage in experimentation and curiosity
MY INTELLECT/KNOWLEDGE–less pressure, more comfort
MY EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT–maturity, less rebelliousness
MY HOME/LIVING SPACE–more things that bring me joy, more authenticity and peace
MY CREATIVITY–more experimentation, more vulnerability