airing of grievances

While I don’t really subscribe to any one religion, I’ve never actually celebrated Festivus.  I kinda wish I had, all those years when I hated on Christmas.  I think it would have lent some comedy to the whole being a curmudgeon thing.

[I just thought of some tangent I could explore some more, but I’m not going there.  Must focus].

So, apparently, today is the official day to celebrate Festivus.  I started seeing all kinds of stuff on the Twitter today, so I thought I’d join in.  I’ve already completed my feat of strength by sitting up this morning (because, holy crap, am I sick).  Now, it’s time to air some of my own grievances.  I have a few, surprisingly!  Okay, a lot.  I’m good at complaining, so why not?  And honestly, I just need to have a vent session.  I’m not naming names, to protect innocents, and most will probably apply to all of humanity or things I just don’t enjoy.  But, if you think my grievance is directed at you, it PROBABLY is.  Sorry I’m not sorry.  😉


List of Grievances:

  1. Sneezing and the cold medicine industry for making products that not only taste like crap, but also do not work and take all my book money.
  2. Sick people who were sick around me and got me sick.
  3. People who don’t wash their nasty hands.
  4. People who require me to show ID to buy the good drugs as if that really prevents anyone from cooking meth.
  5. People who use the medicine, but do not wash out the measuring cup and let it drop onto the counter–creating a sticky bottle/counter that I get to clean up later.  *stink-eye*
  6. Fries that do not taste as delicious as they smell and people who can’t properly season food.
  7. Advertisers who take pictures of food and make it look delicious when, in reality, it’s all food styling (read: fake shit).  And the actual food tastes worse than whatever fake shit they fooled me with.
  8. Monsanto and their cronies. People who police raw milk instead of HFCS.
  9. Dick Cheney.  Still.
  10. Any NRA touting bobblehead twit in existence.
  11. People who post trashy Glamour Shots rivaling, amateur “boudoir” photos on Facebook–except ironically or as a joke (this is not about those who actually post GOOD, professional boudoir shots…I know plenty of people with beautiful photos).  Or people who share FB accounts with their spouses.
  12. People who repost those nonsensical “repost if you have four hundred cats to prove you really really love me” status updates on FB.
  13. Facebook and its never-ending privacy bullshit.
  14. Instagram being owned by Facebook and now displaying its own brand of privacy bullshit.
  15. People who quit Instagram and then come back two days later because they just can’t resist posting an uber-filtered shot of their pillow.
  16. People who take pictures of their pillows and post it to the Internet.  Except ironically, to make fun of those other people.
  17. Blog commenters.  All of them.
  18. People who exploit national tragedies.  All of them.
  19. Every politician ever, when they were politicians.
  20. Fiscal cliffs.
  21. People who stand in the doorways of the germ bus when there are seats open.
  22. People who don’t offer seats to old ladies, children, and the injured when on any method of public transportation.
  23. People who weave in and out of traffic like they’re playing some bout of Pol Position.
  24. The person who redesigned Twitter so I never can tell when I have a DM.
  25. People who ask for help from you and then insult you later when they don’t understand your advice.  Hence, their need for advice.
  26. People who leave things everywhere.  Especially when they leave trash 2 feet from the trashcan instead of putting it in said trashcan.
  27. Kittens that don’t cuddle and sneeze in my mouth when I hold them.
  28. Drivers who ride your ass in the mountains, on a scenic byway.
  29. Drivers who go 15 miles below the speed limit, anywhere, when you can’t pass them.
  30. People who won’t let you in their lane in a traffic jam.
  31. Women who do not wipe the seat and throw towels on the floor because they’re afraid to touch the door of the bathroom.
  32. People who throw the goat, wear bow ties for everyday attire, write “eachother” instead of “each other,” or ever refer to themselves as a rock star of anything (except while being ironic or sarcastic).
  33. People who are rude or disrespectful to children, service people, or the elderly.
  34. People who talk, mess with their phones, eat loudly, or stick their damn appendages on anything not belonging to them–at the movies, planes, or any other public place.
  35. People who take pictures of other people’s bad parking and post it to the Internet as if they’re perfect and have never parked badly in their lives.
  36. People who take up three parking spaces.
  37. People who try to sell me magazines on the street.
  38. Men who grab me while I’m standing on public transportation and then pretend the bus jerked.
  39. Men who stare at women for more than 20 seconds.
  40. People who spent more than $3 for a box of Twinkies after they discontinued them.
  41. Amazon retailers who charge me more to ship an item than the ACTUAL item.
  42. Amazon retailers who ship an item to the wrong address and then tell me not to leave bad feedback.
  43. People who try to negotiate with artisans and local mom and pops to get a “good deal” because they’re used to buying shit at Walmart.
  44. People who patronize Walmart and then bitch about the state of the world.
  45. People who make complicated orders and then get mad when the person gets it wrong.
  46. People who make fun of other people solely because they are different–whether it’s due to accents, nationality, gender, etc.
  47. People who tell other people when they should stop grieving or when they should do anything with their lives that’s important to them.
  48. Stalkers.
  49. Exes.
  50. People who ask me when I’m getting married.
  51. People who drink gallons of Diet Coke, but can’t eat even one mini-cupcake.
  52. People in the fashion industry who think women don’t have curves and design clothes that leave me with four-inch gaps or pants 2 sizes too big everywhere except my ass.
  53. People who think size 12 is fat and teach this BS to their children.
  54. Anyone who uses SMH, YOLO, LOL, RFLMAO, or any of their ilk–except ironically or to make fun of a dumbass.
  55. People who abbreviate “you” or “are.”
  56. People who don’t believe Pluto’s a planet.  They have no soul.
  57. People who single space after periods and judge me when I double space.  And people who inappropriately use exclamation points and smiley faces.  And people who use adverbs.  And metric systems.
  58. People who hate purple and like orange.
  59. People who judge anyone in any way for being sick or having to deal with unfortunate life circumstances. As if they are anything except goddamn lucky.
  60. WBC.
  61. People who are against gay marriage or think they have the right to define love for anyone else.
  62. Hypocrites.
  63. Phones for ringing all the time, when I don’t want them to.
  64. People who don’t know me, calling me all the time, after I’ve told them to stop.  People who knock on my door or ring my bell when I haven’t invited them over and (most times) don’t even know them.
  65. People who abuse things that aren’t theirs (ahem, library books).
  66. People who complain about things they are blessed to have and then feel the need to pity me because I don’t have those same things.
  67. People who think the world owes them anything and have the nerve to express that notion to the rest of the world.  Talk about delusional.
  68. People who only know my name when they think I can get them something–whether it’s business, a job, or social status–and when I don’t because they’ve misjudged me–disappear yet again.
  69. People who never say thank you–especially for the things they shouldn’t be grateful for.
  70. Friends who I haven’t talked to in more than 2 months and probably won’t talk to for another two months.
  71. People who make assumptions about me rather than asking.
  72. People who let dates on calendars guide their actions toward me.
  73. People who ask for my phone number but never call said phone number and then complain that they “never hear from me.”
  74. People who bitch that we never hang out, but never bothered to wish me a happy birthday (2 years in a row) and then wonder why I hesitate about them.
  75. People who send me junk mail for crap that, in no way, applies to me.
  76. Charities who don’t do their homework and approach me for donations.
  77. Professors who don’t follow their own rubrics.
  78. People who don’t admit mistakes.
  79. Anyone who serves me raw chicken.
  80. People who commit crimes on holidays.
  81. The person who made my toe so sensitive to stubbing.
  82. The maker of gluten allergies and calories.
  83. Capitalism.
  84. Organized religion.
  85. War.
  86. Charlie Sheen.
  87. Drought.
  88. Medical bills that are more than people’s mortgages.
  89. Lima beans and liver.
  90. The person responsible for kombucha tasting like vinegar.
  91. People who take themselves too seriously.
  92. That Mr. Rogers isn’t my neighbor.
  93. That I can’t have a giant dog in my apartment.
  94. Cancer.  Heart disease. Contact dermatitis.
  95. That toilet paper isn’t spelled toliet paper.
  96. That I can’t just magically transport myself anywhere at any time.
  97. People who call me a cat lady like it’s a bad thing.
  98. Men who think that, because I have large breasts, I must be a stupid whore.
  99. Our carpet.
  100. That my house isn’t clean and perfect all the time just because I want it to be.
  101. People who still think that introversion means I’m shy or standoffish or aloof or (insert any slightly disparaging, chickenshit word).

Okay.  I think that’s all I’ve got.  Whoo.  I feel better, actually.

Happy Festivus, y’all.  I’d love to hear your grievances.  🙂


One thought on “airing of grievances

  1. Pingback: sometimes, people are good. | pause.sigh.go.hi.

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