like all those dead, white guys–but different.
*deletes previously written paragraph*
Let’s try this again.
I miss writing. I used to write every day (albeit on MySpazz). I used to love sharing my stories. I used to have things to say. And then, I sort of didn’t say much and didn’t enjoy sharing and started building walls instead of extending my hand. The noise of all the stuff in my life got too loud and drowned out anything I wanted to say. I’m a writer, though, so–occasionally–I said things on Facebook. But we all know how profound that is. (I’m not trying to be profound, though, so there’s also that).
I guess it all boils down to this: I need to write to be sane. I need to share to feel connected. I need connections to feel like I matter. And I do matter, so this needs to happen more. And I have things to say. And I’m tired of complaining and talking to myself.
This blog is a temporary home for that. Temporary because I want to create a permanent place that will be more of something else entirely–new ground for me…and that takes some time. More time. I’ve been working on it. Kinda.
Until then, I want to share life with people. People I know. People I want to know. People I don’t know. Cats.
That’s kinda where the title of this blog came from–a series of words I say often–or, as my roommate suggested–someone talking themselves into doing things. Which is something I do a lot of! 🙂 In any case, it’s not going to be some introspective thing where all I do is complain about how annoyed I am or how heartbroken I am or how blahblahblah. I might be all of those things, but it has to do more than that–more than just sitting like a giant rock of BS on a screen.
That’s not to say I won’t get personal and I won’t share my stream of consciousness babble about any number of things. But I’m going to try to be better about waiting to post these things until I make more sense of them and also trying to use that energy to do something better. So, if I’m pissed about politics, I might post my rant and then post a series of pictures talking about what I did with that anger.
Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself, and I’m not sure why I’m sharing all of this. But this is my intention. And my intention is to show the world more of who I really am and to also get to know my friends (and future–maybe–friends) better. So, feel free to say something. I’m really (mostly) nice.
To get us started, let’s talk about random stuff (yes, I know I posted this way back when–but it’s nice to revisit things). Pick a few to answer yourself or just say hi. Or post on your own blog. 🙂
- Your favorite virtue
I’ve come to realize that virtues are pretty inconsistent. Some things may be good under certain circumstances and bad in others. I think I’ve been seeing more of the shades of gray as I grow up. But I guess, the one thing I always appreciate in someone is a sense of humor and an ability to see the good things in any situation. I think I’m someone who possesses this virtue, but I really do try to take myself less seriously most of the time.
- Your favorite qualities in a man.
There’s nothing more amazing than a guy who can just be himself (vulnerability and all) and just own it. I like strong, tough guys as much as anyone. But being able to peel back the layers and see the soft spot always goes a long way with me. It’s probably why I have such a soft spot for old men and little boys. When they’re young, they haven’t been told to hide that part of themselves. And when they’re old, they’ve lived long enough to realize it’s silly.
- Your favorite qualities in a woman.
I used to think my favorite quality in a woman was independence, but I’ve rethought that idea. I think it’s also vulnerability–but not the same kind of vulnerability as a man. More like being vulnerable by choice where there is no doubt about her strength as a person, but there is also an openness to being exactly who she is. I suppose that’s a kind of independence. *shrug*
- Your chief characteristic
I’m not altogether sure anymore. When I was a kid, I was known for being nice and intelligent. As an adult, I’ve been known for my dark sense of humor, my independent streak, and my exuberance. I used to think my passion was what set me apart from everyone. I think now, though, my most prominent characteristic is curiosity. I love learning. I’m always trying to evolve as a person. I am always trying to understand. I think I can be quietly curious though, so people don’t always see it in me.
- What you appreciate the most in your friends
I appreciate nearly everything about my friends, but mostly just their ability to see me. That’s partly a talent of theirs, but it’s also a talent of mine–allowing myself to be seen. I try to surround myself with people who see through my crap and can call me on it. So, I guess, I appreciate their honesty and their humor and their support.
- Your main fault
I used to think it was that I thought too much. Ha. But now, I see that there’s really just an impatience in me that’s behind the overthinking. For better or worse, I just want to do everything. I just want everything to happen as I want it to happen, and I have a hard time sometimes with not being the one who chooses everything. Which leads to the overthinking. I think I get most frustrated when I see how simple things could be if I could just manage everything!
- Your favorite occupation.
I think every job I’ve ever had has involved using my talents to help others use their talents. I love the process of sharing what I know and helping other people feel inspired and empowered. I think that’s why I’ve been drawn to the professions I’ve tackled. But I most love counseling. I love being able to share my life with people and taking my experiences to give them another perspective. I think that’s why I get so frustrated that I’m not 40 steps ahead of where I am right now.
- Your idea of happiness
I’ve had to redefine that for myself in recent months as things that used to feel so joyful feel a little less joyful. I think I am most happy when I’m knee deep in discovery. While I love roadtrips, I tire of going to the same places (though it can be fun to find new things). I like to be around new people. I like new ideas. I like new experiences. I love being challenged, and I think I’ve really lost my tolerance for just being comfortable.
- Your idea of misery.
I’ve gone through a lot of stuff in my life, but the bad stuff was always stuff that gave me something that made me more of the person I wanted to be. I’ve discovered how I can change and how to see good things in nearly anything. I can’t stand indifference. I can’t stand feeling like I’m stuck or like it doesn’t matter. I hate wasting time, and I hate feeling like I’m just biding my time.
- If not yourself, who would you be?
I can think of 400 fascinating people who I’d like to body-jump. However, I honestly wouldn’t want to be anyone but me…though I used to pray every day that I could be given a reprieve from this. If I had to pick, though, I’d love to be a cool animal. Because they’re rad, and I could learn more about them. And pet myself.
- Where would you like to live?
I love living in Colorado and adore my native city of Denver, but I do feel too comfortable here. I’m probably moving to Boulder next year (barring any catastrophes) because it’s different enough from what I’m used to that I think it’ll challenge me to think differently. I also think I’d be more social there. And I like the idea of having nature so close. It isn’t the easiest decision and one I’ve been close to jumping on before (only to change my mind), but I think it has to happen soon. If I had my druthers and timing was better, I would move out of state. I still see myself in Boston, Brooklyn, and Seattle. I can even see myself in Santa Fe and Carmel, CA. Those things will happen eventually.
- Your favorite color and flower.
Purple. Then blue (think ocean rather than sky and rich…not gray–though I’ve had an affinity for silverish grays lately). I love most colors. Flowers–freesia, lilacs, peonies, sunflowers, ranunculus. I love them all, though. I especially love wildflowers.
- Your favorite prose authors.
Paul Auster, Jose Saramago, Charles Baxter, Mark Twain, Sherwood Anderson, David Foster Wallace
- Your favorite poets.
Jack Gilbert, Neruda, Robinson Jeffers, Poe, Parker, Rilke
- Your favorite heroes in fiction.
Marco Fogg in Moon Palace, Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Andy in Shawshank
- Your favorite heroines in fiction.
The Wife in Blindness
- Your favorite painters and composers.
Composers: Vivaldi, Verdi, Mozart; Painters: Tim Cantor, Kandinski, O’Keeffe, Klimt, Van Gogh
- Your heroes in real life.
Mama, literally anyone who gets up every day and tries to make the world a better place
- Your favorite heroines in real life.
- What characters in history do you most dislike.
Dick Cheney, Hitler, white supremacists. I don’t much care for the Tea Party or most Republicans at the moment either.
- Your heroines in World history
Mary Magdalene, Mae West, Rachel Carson, Anne Frank, and a whole host of super cool Colorado women.
- Your favorite food and drink.
food: kale, peas, bananas, cherries, peaches, arugula, chicken milanese, tacos, cheese, cheese enchiladas; drinks: green tea, water, Pimm’s cups, cherry limes, Slurpees, Capri Sun (I know), banana milkshakes, dark beers
- Your favorite names.
Claire, Ezra, Sage, August, Jack
- What I hate the most.
- World history characters I hate the most
- The military event I admire the most
I don’t admire military events. I admire people who serve, but not the business of death.
- The reform I admire the most
Suffrage maybe because it opened up so many doors for others.
- The natural talent I’d like to be gifted with
I used to say drawing, but I think–right now–I’d rather be a gifted athlete.
- How I wish to die?
I don’t. But old, senile, with blue hair–asleep in bed with many people who love me.
- What is your present state of mind.
Exhausted and sorta shell-shocked.
- For what fault have you most toleration?
I have a toleration for any fault that is acknowledged–unless it’s like insane bigotry.
- Your favorite motto.
This, too, shall pass.